The Desire to Control Others

Are you aware that your desire to control others can be compromising your relationships? It can also keep you from living in the present, and enjoying your life because you become consumed with the outcome of other people’s circumstances. “Control” is a need. A need for a sense of certainty, by attaching yourself to an outcome. The need to know what’s going to happen next or what will happen if… Perhaps trying to insist that someone else see your point of view.

Being controlling creates a false sense of power. It becomes easy for you to be misunderstood and can change the context of any situation. You may even find yourself meddling in someone’s personal business. Others may see it as if you’re trying to alter their thoughts or redefining their reality, leaving them to feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable. Trying to control another person; is actually a form of manipulation.

Why such a need to control? Sometimes it comes from jealousy, insecurity, a reaction to fear or emotional distress, just to mention a few. The fact is; that you only have control over what is in your mind and control over your own physical actions.

Once you become mindful of this type of behavior, you can start letting it go. Take a step back and analyze your situation. Create new patterns for yourself. Allow others to succeed or to make their own mistakes. Maybe refrain from giving advice. You may be able to influence others instead of controlling them; simply by your kindness.

You may be uncomfortable at first with this new behavior. You may feel inadequate or that you are letting others down by, not giving your advice. Stop fighting with yourself. It takes great internal discipline. But fear not, the best way to love others is to let them be who they are. Be a part of their life, not in control of it.


 “Letting go of control doesn’t mean that you don’t care. It means that you realize you only have control over yourself”

~ Jill Lee ~   

4 thoughts on “The Desire to Control Others

  1. Luke Benoit Author/Speaker Certified Coach Reply

    So much freedom comes when you can let others be yet it can still be so hard.

    We all need this lesson so much!

    • Jill Lee Post authorReply

      Thank you Luke,
      Indeed, it is a lesson we all need, I couldn’t agree with you more!

      Warmest Regards,

  2. Sher Reply


    Very interesting topic for a blog. i guess that I never looked at it in this percpective. It is hard dealing with people who feel the need to control others. Thanks for the insight!!!

    • Jill Lee Post authorReply

      Thank you Sher,
      That’s the entire point. To give my readers a different perspective on all aspects of life situations and encounters. The topic may not fit your personality or behavior, but it may be that of someone you come in contact with. It’s just bringing awareness.
      I hope you found this helpful.

      Warmest Regards,

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